Bad Mommy :)

I've been a bad blogger in the last month. I keep promising myself I'm going to start keeping up on it, but seriously... too much to do!!! I've been staying up with my homework at school, and of course playing with Becca as much as possible!!!!! She's talking more every day, and she rolls her eyes now. Such attitude. Reminds me of that Brad Paisley song (of course his is about father son) but it says "It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me." And with her...that is the truth.. :)

Onto other things: I AM GETTING MARRIED IN 85 days!!! Holy cow!! Seriously freaking out right now!! Yep, that's right in 85 days I will be Mrs. Patricia Heard <3>

This weeks news... I lost my keys so I have to have new ones made. Because I am an idiot. lol. I dont know what happened. But I guess it's ok. At least they can make me a new one. Oh, and I cut my hair again. :)

I dont think there's anything else interesting going on, Becca's birthday is in less than a month, and I'm sad that she's growing up so fast. Guess it's time to have another ;)

Crazy Happenings...

I founf out Becca's sister Cryslynn is allergic to our cat. So we moved all of the cat stuff to Meg and I's bedroom. It is working out okay for now.

Becca is doing MORE growing up!!! It won't stop!! It just amazes me the new things she learns every day. Today she wanted me to "Help please" and then told me "thank you" when I helped her. She demands my attention constantly! The only thing that gets to me is when I know she knows her words, and then DOESN'T USE THEM!!! But she'll learn.

A small vent I have now: I love my boyfriend, but I don't think he understands how DRAINING kids are! He texts me ALL DAY and when I don't answer within like 10 minutes unless I tell him I am in class he seems to freak out. Not to mention the JEALOUSY!! I am friends with a lot of my exes, not to mention a lot of guys in general. They are exes for a reason and he doesn't get that sometimes. But I still know he's THE ONE. They say when you meet the one you just know. And it was just that very first moment when my heart stopped... I just knew.

And now, update on school: still good. Stressing me out, but good. AND I have a job interview friday!!!

Keri told me to update my blog...

so here's a new post. School is going FANTASTICALLY!! I'm sure that's spelled wrong but at the moment I'm exhausted so I don't care. I love my classes! My first class is mostly reading but out of class activities we do for homework are sorta fun. My cirriculum in the classroom class is awesome, we have fun in there ALL day EVERY day. Well Tuesday/Thursday for an hour LOL. My Health class seems like it's going to be fun, and math...well it's math. I hate Math XL, but I've made new friends already everywhere, so it all balances out.


I also have a WONDERFUL new guy in my life....Alan....he's the second best thing that has happened to me, besides being a mom, because that is ALWAYS first. He makes me feel happy and wanted and special, and that's all I've ever needed. He's proud of me for getting my degree and thinks I'm a great mom, and can't wait to have a family. I just know it's right... I never thought I'd say that in my life, but it's true what they say...when you know...you just know.

Other news, I had a sensitive surgery that went well, no details needed if you don't already know about it. But now I'm just waiting to go back in October and make sure everything is ok.

Last but not least.... BECCA IS TURNING 2 NEXT MONTH!!!! I can't believe it. She's so grown up already, it makes me SO sad. She loves to read and draw and play music and dance, she's just a mover and shaker. I can't wait to watch her grow more. And that's the news for now folks.... :)

So. Much. Homework.

But I'm so happy about it. It's been a medium week. good things have happened and bad things have happened. I wish more good things would happen, but I don't see that happening any time soon. I HOPEEEEE to get my van back tomorrow. I am scared though that something will happen and it will break again. I NEED MY VAN!! Also, mini rant: Not that this has to be done, but I hate it when Brett/Amy promises me a certain amount of child support and I am expecting that amount and then they tell me they only sent one weeks worth. Seriously??????? GREAT!! Now I can't do ANYTHING. AND I have to ask you for money for diapers and crap. I can't wait to get my refund from school. That 5000 would do me some good!!

On to other news, Becca turns TWO in TWO months. She's growing up WAY too fast. I can;t believe how much her speech has improved since ridding her of the binkie. I have this wonderful love now that makes me feel good about myself (which I CAN do on my own, it's just nice to have someone telling you how beautiful you are daily) and I am feeling like a star you can't stop my shine I'm loving cloud 9 my heads in the sky....

Now, off to bed, 8am MATH class tomorrow (YUCK!!!!) Other things I hope to accomplish tomorrow are:

HOMEWORK

GET VAN

HANG OUT WITH ADAM

CLEAN THE HOUSE....AGAIN.

FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET MY DANG DINING ROOM TABLE HERE.

I have books!!

Today I went and got my books for school!!!!!!! I can't wait to start!!! Also, busy busy week ahead. I need to get everything else I need (bookbag and etc) plus send in stuff to the social services office, and make an appointment for child car voucher renewal, and rearrange furniture. All while going though all this crap. I just wish it was over.

I feel.... lost sometimes. Like I know I am doing as much as I can right and doing it for Becca, but people think I'm so selfish, like I'm doing it for myself and then her. I moved to Evansville for US, and so she could be closer to her dad. I took away a year of her time with him because I thought it was best for her, and I was wrong. But it keeps getting thrown in my face by family and friends.... everyone but him. HE understands why I did it, why can't everyone else???!!! I am trying my best to provide what's best for her, make decisions that are right for her... and it just kills me when people don't see that. I love my little girl, and I wouldn't do anything EVER to intentionally put her in danger or not think a decision through.

Side note...it is FREEZEING in this house. FREEZING. And we got new neighbors, and they seem snobby. College girls. it's a wonderful thing. I'm sure my other neighbor is thrilled since she specifically asked for non college kids. I need my milkshake. That's all for now...

Sad

I wish there was some way to make it stop. I ache and hurt and I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I should be feeling great, things are starting to look up and get better. I'm going back to school, Becca's strong and healthy. But I just hurt. Most of my blog readers know why. But for those that don't I just can't post about it because there are some people that I really don't want to know. (Side Note: MEGHAN STOP PROCRASTINATING ON YOUR HOMEWORK!! LOL)

This week I have a lot of house cleaning to do. That will keep me occupied. That is all for now. Sorry for being so short...

Look what Becca does now...

Whiny Wednesday

I'm going to let it all out and then let it go:
-Tired of no job
-tired of being tired
-Tired of everything annoying me
-Tired of not knowing what the frack is going on with my body
-Tired of always worrying about money
-Tired of feeling like I made the wrong decision by moving out again

Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax.

The rest of my blog will be about happy things. I am amazed every day at how grown up Becca is becoming. Today she moved to a two year old room. I cried when I left the daycare. I love my little baby she is growing up to fast. She learns new things so easily now. She's in the stage where once she sees someone do something she has to try, or immitates them. She likes to hold her pencils while she's coloring and get down on the page like she's "writing" instead, which I find absolutely hilarious. She sleeps through the night now with no binkie. She loves to swim, is trying to potty train, and is getting better at listening when we tell her not to play on the stairs or go into a room where we don't want her to be. She's been spending a lot more time with her dad and "stepmom" and sister. She enjoys that a lot I can tell.

This week has been such a blur already. Leslie is coming in tonight to chill, party, hang out, and have a blast. Then tomorrow I have a GYN appointment to get some stuff taken care of. Hopefully he can answer a lot of questions for me.

I am exhausted all the time, and I am not sure why. I miss some of the people I used to spend a lot of time with. I feel like everyone is growing up and I'm stuck. Friends are married and moving away, and here I am single with my kid living in Evansville still. But hey, life could be so much worse.

And now for your viewing entertainment...



Her and Cryslynn... they really do look a lot alike. C just has a fat face and B is so super skinny from being all hyperactive. C is lazy.



Becca in the bath. She LOVES to splash and goes crazy when I let her. We are working on not splashing all over the bathroom while still being able to splash. She'll get it one day.



Last but not least, Becca getting a drink at the pool. She loves swimming, she's such a water babby.

Birthday, New Apartment.... tired...

Love this picture. Other than that, not loving very much. I love living out "on my own" again, but i do not enjoy still having no job, being frustrated with a lot of things, not knowing answers to things, not having all my furniture, and fighting with people.

My bithday went alright but my roomate's boyfriend decided that 3 hours before my party he should break up with her. And so most of my party became about making sure she was okay. Which is fine I'm not a diva, but I just want one year where everything is about me. LOL. I guess next year when I turn 25 right? Ick, 25..... blah. Oh my goodness its coming fast. Alright, well I am tired. So nighty night!

We have the internet!!

So Larry JUST fixed my computer to get the internet again, though I shouldn't stay on too long, since Megs just fell asleep sitting in her chair since I'm sorta on her bed...

Pics of the apartment to come, as we get it more sit up...

Still need most of our furniture.

Yucky day.

Busy Busy Busy

In 2 days we get keys to our apartment. I am nervous, excited, feeling unprepared.... I just want to go now and paint paint paint!!!!!!!! I am so so so super excited!!! And I am hopefully going to get a job soon! My birthday is a week away and I get to spend it with friends! Which is awesome!! Really not much to say, just a lot to do, and will update ASAP with pics of the apartment!!

Oh say does that star spangled banner yet waaaaaave....

I hope everyone had a wonderful Independence Day!!!! Ours was fabulous. Becca was so good all day, took a long nap, and then once Meghan got off work we got ready and drove to pick up friends and head to the river. We parked in an alright location and walked down to the river front. We picked an AWESOME spot to sit (except for the darn ants!!!) and we listened to the music and talked. Then Larry joined us, and Logan and her brothers, and also Amy and Kris. Once it got dark and the fireworks started, Becca clung to me, but before that, she was all about anyone but me. She made a new friend with the little boy who was next to us who was so so so cute!!! Becca LOVED the fireworks!!!!! I can't wait for next year when she ooohs and aaahhhs. She clapped at most of them before the big ones started and she was clinging to me but she was still super interested. We tried to cover her ears but her response to that seemed to be "get off me it's part of the experience woman!!!"

On another note, Becca has learned to say "NO!!" not only that but it's "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!" while wildly shaking her head. It's actually funny, but of course I had to NOT laugh so that she doesn't continue to do it. Kind of like ignoring her temper tantrums. This mom thing is getting easier, and yet I know it's about to get a WHOLE LOT TOUGHER too. Today I filled out my petition for revisal of our court stuff so that I can move (as if Brett's going to say "no Patty, do not move only 8 minutes away with our daughter. How dare you!") And tomorrow, more job applications (even though by next week I should be hearing from the place I am waiting for).

I would post pictures, but my computer is being as mean to me as my homosexual exboyfriend douchebag. :)

Until next time...

Confused Beyond Belief & More Adventures in Potty Training

Potty Training, day 5. We have still yet to actually pee on the potty again, although she knows when she has to go. Last night I had her in her big girl panties, and she ran to the bathroom 4 times. I went with her, helped her pull her panties down, she sat on the toilet for a few mintues then got up and pulled her pants up. After the 4th time, we were sitting in the living room and she just peed and then stood up and said "Uh-oh" and tried to take her panties off. The kid may not be a genius, but she's catching on to this stuff pretty quick. Now it's just a matter of getting her to go pee in the potty.

In other Becca news, she is doing really well finally adjusting to being dropped off at school and spending time with Daddy. She stayed the night Tuesday with him and he said she did really good, only really whined a couple times and slept through the night. Now if only she would continuously sleep through the night at home. As for her temper tantrums, I have started to completely ignore them. I find that she gives up faster that way, and I think I will continue to do this when she throws tantrums.

As for the confused part, I don't want to post too much because I don't know who reads this. All I know is that I have feelings for someone and I can't make them go away. And I need to make them go away because this person is taken and I can't have them. But I have so much fun with them that it just makes me wonder more.

Also... we get keys in 16 days!!

Adventures in Potty Training

Thought I would drop by on this wonderful Monday morning (19 days til we get the keys...and still not packed...) and fill everyone in on how Becca's been doing. This weekend, we began potty training. Granted it is a little early...but she was showing the signs that she was ready. So We put some underwear on her and let her run free and see what happened. I took her to the bathroom at least once an hour, and whenever she asked to go. Instead of going ON the potty, the first accident was poopy, and she stood at the top of her slide and just grunted. I grabbed her up, ran her to the bathroom, sat her on the potty and started cleaning what she'd done in the underwear so far out. She finished on the potty, I praised her, and we went to play some more. Not 5 minutes later did she say"uh-oh" and peed on the floor in her doorway. We took those off, rinised them out, and put a diaper on, and it was nap time. Later that night, she decided to pee on her floor again, and we ran out of underwear. So back to diapers. But she did pretty good for her first day. Now she will be working on it at daycare too. Hopefully, that goes well.

As for my newest discovery, I need to stop drinking so much caffiene. And I need to go to my doctor AGAIN and talk to him about some random weird pains I've been having in my arms. I'm not going to do that for a while though. I have al ot of stuff to do today, so I'm off. But there's the update, and another one is sure to be posted in a few days!!

I must be doing something right...

Oh things are finally starting to fall into place for me and I couldn't be happier. Meghan and I are putting a deposit down on an apartment tomorrow, and it's in a great place, we can PAINT (no more white walls!!) and it has a suitable amount of space. And lots of storage space. There's a pool, and a grilling area... I couldn't be more thrilled for this. Plus I may get to get a job working with my biological dad... I'm still super confused what to call him. I mean my adoptive dad is DAD and I can't call Kevin by his name because my little brother and sister are gonna be like "why do you call him *our* dad, he's your dad too" I'm at a loss.

Becca is getting more and more amazing every day. I still have my moments of course. Today, when I picked her up from daycare she clapped her hand ad yelled "mommy" and ran to me. I picked her up and she gave me a big hug and kiss and then wanted her paper, told her teacher bye bye, and then told her friend bye bye "Bye ti ti!!" But... when we got home she turned into crazy child. She wanted to play bubble...so we did. She wanted to play with her plane...so we did. Then she threw a temper tantrum. So we ignored her. And it stopped within 3 minutes. Which is 10 minutes earlier than normal. I am impressed.

I dont know how I'm going to move quickly and quietly though. But my dad is all for it, he wants me out of here. I love my mom, but I can't do this clutter thing anymore. She is going to stay with my grandma for a couple weeks in VA....and isn't going to even TRY To clean the clutter while I'm gone. By the time she gets back...it will be my bday. I want to be able to have people here for my birthday ... and I won't be able to because she's embarassed of the clutter. Maybe if I get my job while she's gone we can go ahead and move before she gets back. :) I would love that.

I want ice cream. This is the end of this blog. :)

What to do, what to do?

Don't get me wrong... I LOVE being a mom. But these past few days have been hellacious. Becca has started this "I don't want to go to bed or nap more than 1 hour during the day" stage. Which is totally ridiculous and I feel like it's not normal. Of course, I can't talk to her dad about it because he never has to deal with her. The last time he even had her overnight was... February. Yep. 4 months ago. Yep he complains about his fiancee's daughter dad not getting her (she's 7) as often as he should. I think someone needs to set some priorites. And this is exactly the reason I didn't want him in her life. I almost forgot. I guess in a way Ryan did the same thing, even when Becca and I lived with him.

I also just want to say I HAVE THE BEST ROOMATE IN THE WORLD!!! She helps me with Becca so so so much!! And I can't wait to move to Evansville in the next month or so. Getting pretty excited. I am so happy some of the pieces are starting to fall in place for me and Becca. All the bad is always worth all the good.

Also for those who do read this, a girl on one of my baby chatting boards had her little girl today, and even though she's only a week early, she's in the NICU, so please send up a prayer or positive thought for the McDowell family. I'm sure she will greatly appreciate it!

Oh. My. God.

I LOVE being a momma!!! Today Becca kept running up to me yelling "mom...momma...mommy!!!" every few minutes and throwing her arms around me for a hug. It's days like these when I totally enjoy motherhood. Now if only there were more of these days. I still live it every day, but today made me SO SO SO happy!!

Long winded stuff....

So of course today Becca couldn't go to daycare because she was "sick" yesterday. She was up and down from 5:30 last night to 8 this morning when my mom decided after getting up with her at 3am that it was time for me to get up. So we played for a bit and when I went to change her diaper she THREW A FIT!!! She has a little diaper rash so I have been putting desitin on it. Now she hasn't had a rash for me in a long time, so I haven't had to put anything on her, except for wiping her. But today, I went to put the Desitin on, and she FREAKED. She acted like someone has been touching her inappropriately. Now, the only person she's been alone with other than me and the daycare workers is my mom. While I don't believe she would do this, she was molested when she was a young girl. But Becca doesn't show any signs of abuse down there so I really don't know. I just feel bad for her. She didn't even hardly east anything today. She had an airhead and a couple of noodles from dinner, and a few chips. Seriously... I don't know if she's going to have an issue as daycare tomorrow. I have to go to work, and I can't exactly take her WITH me, although, that'd be pretty cool.

The guy I was talking to has been really wanting to get with me and hang out, but I really don't know if I want to do that. We end up making bad decisions when we're together. Not sex, but things that can lead up to it. He is the guy that is a really really good christian and doesn't believe in sex before marriage. And I do NOT want to corrupt that. But he doesn't seem to get that. Also, he doesn't see himself getting married, and at this point in my life I feel like if I am dating someone it should be someone that I could potientially marry. I mean I can see myself with him, but he doesn't want to accept responsibilty for another person, or for having kids, and I KNOW I want more kids.

These last few weeks have been a real eye opener for me on a lot of things, and as my birthday draws near (36 days) I feel like at almost 24, I should be in a much better situation in my life than I am right now. I live in my parents house, I'm on my exboyfriends insurance, and I have a job but it doens't pay for much. I feel like a horrible mom though I am doing the best I can do for my daughter. I love her with all of my heart, and even through the bad stages, the good stages: cuddling up on my lap to read a book, running to me when I come to get her from daycare, hugging me and kissing me out of nowhere... it makes up for the bad. And the bad....it's really bad. I am trying reakky hard to break the binkie habit again, and get her to start talking more. She knows so much, but she just refuses to say it, and the reason I worry about it is because I am SUCH a talker. And the kids in her class talk so much more than her. I know I know... all kids develop at their own rate. But that doesn't stop us mom's from worrying right? Sigh.

Just another average day with a lot on my mind....

Today is just another day. I'm getting really worried about Becca's sleep habits. The poor thing is waking up in the middle of the night every two hours like a newborn and just crying and crying. I think she may be afraid of the dark. I'm going to try a brighter nightlight and see if that helps. She also wakes up when she's in bed with me too though, which never happened before. I researched sleep regression, which is normal at 18 months or so but she didn't go through it then, so maybe she was just dragging behind. She is also beginning terrible twos. Which is a complete joy of course because who doesn't love a screaming child who is incredibly happy one second and then out of nowhere just throws herself on the floor flailing and acting like she's having a siezure. And then is fine again. They should call it the bipolor two's. Because that's how it feels.

On another note, things are getting better with my mom SOMEWHAT. We had a huge fight last night and I got out some of my concerns with her, and she is now scared of herself a little because her bipolor is acting out badly because she can't buy her medications. So she's either VERY VERY happy or VERY VERY ANGRY. And you never know what could sit her off. Last night one of the things that exploded was that apparently I am a horrible mother and people have told her to take Becca away (as if I beat her or something).I was thinking "yeah mom, I can see a judge going with that one with your on and off drug use, your drinking binges and your non medicated bipolor disorder." I love my mom, and I'm glad we worked some things out, but I can't put up with that all day every day. Although she did get up and down with Becca last night and let me sleep. Of course this was at 4 am after I woke her up and begged for sleep. Because I have to go to work and she doesn't so she can sleep in the day if she wishes.

Last thing. There is a group on facebook I joined called please don't jump. It's based off a postsecret (http://www.postsecret.com/ if you haven't heard of it check it out) and I just want everyone to know that suicide is something I take seriously. I had a cousin kill himself when I was younger. I didn't know the cousin very well, but I just don't understand how anyone could take their lives. Sure I'll be honest, I have thought about it a few times, but I coule never do it because I am WAY to chicken and because I know people love me and I couldn't leave them behind. My mother has also told me she planned on killing herself at one point, and I had a roomate that tried to kill herself before too. Please, if anyone is thinking about it, know that even if I don't know you, I encourage you not to do it. No matter what you think, someone does love you. Please. Don't do it.

Back to reality...

Here I am back in Evansville. I am not happy. I am tired of crap:

My house is a DISASTER because my mother is back.

I need to get the hell out of my house because we fight all the time about everything.

I think she is doing the bad stuff again.

I don't trust her.

I do NOT want my daughter around her.

I am PISSED beyond belief that my taxes aren't in my bank account yet.

If it wasn't for the fact that Brett would never let me move 6 hours away with Becca I would SO move to Chicago. I love my friends here but I need a new start.

I love my job, but I need another one too.

I miss the hell out of my kid while she's at daycare but it's like after I pick her up she's a demon. It's annoying.

I hate that I love more than one person, and that I have no chance of truly being with either of them. :(

Currently fighting with my mom on the phone.

She is telling me to buy lunchables.

That made it better. :)

I want to leave work now.

I love my job but I want my friend time noooooow.

I miss being in Chicago with my dad. I miss my dad a lot.

I want to be there now.

A Change of Scenery...

I am totally enjoying this change of scenery on my vacation to Chicago. It is nice to not have to look at my house, or clean everything, or worry aboout money or a job or anything. Yes I know reality will be coming eventually, but I am truly relaxed for the first time in MONTHS. I do miss my roomate, and my Luke, and my mom. But it's nice to just sit on the couch with my computer and get online, and watch TV. Our plans this week are to go to the Zoo in chicago, and probably a few long walks in the park. I am excited to spend time with my dad!

Becca is actually taking to my dad this time instead of running away screaming and crying. It's amazing. She is being pretty good, just having a hard time sleeping because of the downstairs neighbors (as I type this, she is screaming because they woke her up by laughing so loud). I feel bad for her but she has to learn to sleep on her own.

This trip is making me realize how greatful I am to be a mother and have my precious baby girl, even though she gets to my last nerve sometimes. Even though getting pregnant with her was a mistake, she really turned my life around in a way and made me more responisble for myself because I have to be responsible for her. I have to provide her with things. I have to teach her things. Sometimes it gets tedious. But I wouldn't change it for anything (as she still screams). Babies are such a precious gift, and I and can't wait until I can have other one...WITH THE RIGHT PERSON SO WE CAN RAISE THE CHILD TOGETHER!

PROUD SISTER

My brother graduated from HS yesterday and I am so proud of him!!! After everything we've been through in our lives the last couple years, he still managed to push through and get there and now he can move on in life and do what he wants to do!!!

The job is...

going great!! Larry's boss set a goal of 3 life appts set up per day... I set up 6 so far today and hope to get 1 more before I leave in the next hour. Life has been pretty average lately. Mom is moving back into the house because her boyfriend (ex boyfriend...?) is being a douchebag. I am also concerned about her behavior because she is acting like she was when she was doing not so good things before Becca was born. And you can bet that if she is, she will never see Becca again. I am not putting her through that, and I will not have Becca go through what I went through. My mom is the sole reason I have never tried any drugs and refuse to drink hard core, because I could never put my daughter through all the things I've dealt with. And it sucks to say that I barely trust her anymore, but she's late for everything and can't keep track of time, she is always coming up with excuses for why she can't do this or that. I just can't stand it anymore.

My brother will (hopefully) be graduating in a couple weeks, and my dad and his fiancee will be down for the occasion. I am thouroughly excited about this. After they go home, the next week we will be going up to visit them in Chicago and that makes me SUPER excited because I need a vacation BADLY. I have also been spending more time with my birth dad and my brother and sister from him, who are very excited for me to be in their lives...(Destniy more than Little Kevin of course, he already has a sister, he wants a brother, and I think Becca annoys him. He's a loner like my other brother).

My friend Meghan just moved in for the summer, we are uber excited to be rooming together and can't wait to see what fun this summer brings. As for Becca.... she is growing up so much suddenly, it's like I blinked and she went from this baby I was worried was falling behind in development and then WHAM she says partial sentences and is asking for things instead of screaming. She still mostly screams for things but when I tell her to use her big girl words I get "drink, now" and "i want" Her new favorite words are "baby" "bubbles" and "BUS" and her uncles name "effy" (jeffy)

I can't wait to see how much she grows up by her second birthday, it seems like it all goes by so fast. I am also missing my bestie and Lukey-pie a lot, they moved 1,000 miles away to Virginia, and it really sucks to see my little nephew growing up in pictures instead of in front of me, but I'm sure she feels the same about Becca.

In Like A Lion???

So, the month of April has been very interesting. I "got a job" helping a friend telemarket pretty much. It's hard and I only make money on sales we get so I haven't made any money yet :( I am still looking to get a job and FINALLY taking all the steps I need to go back to school!! I am set to graduate in 2012 or Fall of 2013 HOPEFULLY!....

Becca's eval went good, they say she's right on track which is amazing and makes me happy. I was just so worried about her, I want to make sure she's learning everything she can. Everyday with her gets more amazing, and she's finally having her word explosion. She would still rather scream because she knows it gets on my nerves I think but we'll get there.

I also got to meet my birth father this month and his wife and their 2 kids (my brother and sister). I am so super excited. I am also excited because Meghan is going to be living with me over the summer and that is super cool. We are going to have a super fun time I think!

I really don't have much else to say today, although I do want to start blogging more. I think I will leave you with a picture of me and Becca with Kevin!

Moving On...

Apparently people feel the need to talk about me. I had my say about it, and I'm moving on, and have started removing people from my life that are no good for me. Brett and I are supposed to go get the paperwork done for Becca's name change and other stuff.

It's been a rough month, but I'm still working on getting the house organized and getting a job. I don't have a lot to say other than Becca's First Steps Evaluation is on April 13th.

The picture to the right is Becca trying to be Gangsta on Easter.

The Last Couple Months

Well I knew I wouldn't be able to write every day but I expected to write more than this!! I have a fw updates. I am taken and happy. He's the best thing ever. He always pretty much know what to say, and it's fantastic. I am hoping to get a job that I interviewed for today, and I'm pretty excited about it, hoping I get it. It only pays minimun wage, but it they give me the opportunity to go back to school and get my CDA or my Bachelor's through the Teach program. And that'd be awesome. I am still babysitting in the meantime, which is great for me and I love the kids. Becca's doing more and more every day, saying different things, starting to notice when you wear the same color as her. It's so awesome to see someone that you spend all your time teaching learn all the things you teach them. I also got a rockin haircut. I am hoping to move in with some friends in the summer, and it will be pretty awesome. :) That's all for now. I will probably update again soon!!!

Oh the places I've been...

So, this past month has been a little crazy. I have been trying to find a job and our heat's been out. I have been staying with a friend, and I'm babysitting again. It's been a long long month. I've had a lot of thoughts and a lot of long conversations. I'm just letting everything go with the flow. The prosecutor's office called yesterday to let me know that Ryan isn't Becca's dad, so now I just get to call them and have them send a letter to Brett. Becca's been doing good. She is getting into the TANTRUM stage and I really don't like it. She seems to really want to go home. So I hope we can soon.