So. Much. Homework.

But I'm so happy about it. It's been a medium week. good things have happened and bad things have happened. I wish more good things would happen, but I don't see that happening any time soon. I HOPEEEEE to get my van back tomorrow. I am scared though that something will happen and it will break again. I NEED MY VAN!! Also, mini rant: Not that this has to be done, but I hate it when Brett/Amy promises me a certain amount of child support and I am expecting that amount and then they tell me they only sent one weeks worth. Seriously??????? GREAT!! Now I can't do ANYTHING. AND I have to ask you for money for diapers and crap. I can't wait to get my refund from school. That 5000 would do me some good!!

On to other news, Becca turns TWO in TWO months. She's growing up WAY too fast. I can;t believe how much her speech has improved since ridding her of the binkie. I have this wonderful love now that makes me feel good about myself (which I CAN do on my own, it's just nice to have someone telling you how beautiful you are daily) and I am feeling like a star you can't stop my shine I'm loving cloud 9 my heads in the sky....

Now, off to bed, 8am MATH class tomorrow (YUCK!!!!) Other things I hope to accomplish tomorrow are:

HOMEWORK

GET VAN

HANG OUT WITH ADAM

CLEAN THE HOUSE....AGAIN.

FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET MY DANG DINING ROOM TABLE HERE.

I have books!!

Today I went and got my books for school!!!!!!! I can't wait to start!!! Also, busy busy week ahead. I need to get everything else I need (bookbag and etc) plus send in stuff to the social services office, and make an appointment for child car voucher renewal, and rearrange furniture. All while going though all this crap. I just wish it was over.

I feel.... lost sometimes. Like I know I am doing as much as I can right and doing it for Becca, but people think I'm so selfish, like I'm doing it for myself and then her. I moved to Evansville for US, and so she could be closer to her dad. I took away a year of her time with him because I thought it was best for her, and I was wrong. But it keeps getting thrown in my face by family and friends.... everyone but him. HE understands why I did it, why can't everyone else???!!! I am trying my best to provide what's best for her, make decisions that are right for her... and it just kills me when people don't see that. I love my little girl, and I wouldn't do anything EVER to intentionally put her in danger or not think a decision through.

Side note...it is FREEZEING in this house. FREEZING. And we got new neighbors, and they seem snobby. College girls. it's a wonderful thing. I'm sure my other neighbor is thrilled since she specifically asked for non college kids. I need my milkshake. That's all for now...

Sad

I wish there was some way to make it stop. I ache and hurt and I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I should be feeling great, things are starting to look up and get better. I'm going back to school, Becca's strong and healthy. But I just hurt. Most of my blog readers know why. But for those that don't I just can't post about it because there are some people that I really don't want to know. (Side Note: MEGHAN STOP PROCRASTINATING ON YOUR HOMEWORK!! LOL)

This week I have a lot of house cleaning to do. That will keep me occupied. That is all for now. Sorry for being so short...

Look what Becca does now...

Whiny Wednesday

I'm going to let it all out and then let it go:
-Tired of no job
-tired of being tired
-Tired of everything annoying me
-Tired of not knowing what the frack is going on with my body
-Tired of always worrying about money
-Tired of feeling like I made the wrong decision by moving out again

Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax.

The rest of my blog will be about happy things. I am amazed every day at how grown up Becca is becoming. Today she moved to a two year old room. I cried when I left the daycare. I love my little baby she is growing up to fast. She learns new things so easily now. She's in the stage where once she sees someone do something she has to try, or immitates them. She likes to hold her pencils while she's coloring and get down on the page like she's "writing" instead, which I find absolutely hilarious. She sleeps through the night now with no binkie. She loves to swim, is trying to potty train, and is getting better at listening when we tell her not to play on the stairs or go into a room where we don't want her to be. She's been spending a lot more time with her dad and "stepmom" and sister. She enjoys that a lot I can tell.

This week has been such a blur already. Leslie is coming in tonight to chill, party, hang out, and have a blast. Then tomorrow I have a GYN appointment to get some stuff taken care of. Hopefully he can answer a lot of questions for me.

I am exhausted all the time, and I am not sure why. I miss some of the people I used to spend a lot of time with. I feel like everyone is growing up and I'm stuck. Friends are married and moving away, and here I am single with my kid living in Evansville still. But hey, life could be so much worse.

And now for your viewing entertainment...



Her and Cryslynn... they really do look a lot alike. C just has a fat face and B is so super skinny from being all hyperactive. C is lazy.



Becca in the bath. She LOVES to splash and goes crazy when I let her. We are working on not splashing all over the bathroom while still being able to splash. She'll get it one day.



Last but not least, Becca getting a drink at the pool. She loves swimming, she's such a water babby.