Today is just another day. I'm getting really worried about Becca's sleep habits. The poor thing is waking up in the middle of the night every two hours like a newborn and just crying and crying. I think she may be afraid of the dark. I'm going to try a brighter nightlight and see if that helps. She also wakes up when she's in bed with me too though, which never happened before. I researched sleep regression, which is normal at 18 months or so but she didn't go through it then, so maybe she was just dragging behind. She is also beginning terrible twos. Which is a complete joy of course because who doesn't love a screaming child who is incredibly happy one second and then out of nowhere just throws herself on the floor flailing and acting like she's having a siezure. And then is fine again. They should call it the bipolor two's. Because that's how it feels.
On another note, things are getting better with my mom SOMEWHAT. We had a huge fight last night and I got out some of my concerns with her, and she is now scared of herself a little because her bipolor is acting out badly because she can't buy her medications. So she's either VERY VERY happy or VERY VERY ANGRY. And you never know what could sit her off. Last night one of the things that exploded was that apparently I am a horrible mother and people have told her to take Becca away (as if I beat her or something).I was thinking "yeah mom, I can see a judge going with that one with your on and off drug use, your drinking binges and your non medicated bipolor disorder." I love my mom, and I'm glad we worked some things out, but I can't put up with that all day every day. Although she did get up and down with Becca last night and let me sleep. Of course this was at 4 am after I woke her up and begged for sleep. Because I have to go to work and she doesn't so she can sleep in the day if she wishes.
Last thing. There is a group on facebook I joined called please don't jump. It's based off a postsecret (http://www.postsecret.com/ if you haven't heard of it check it out) and I just want everyone to know that suicide is something I take seriously. I had a cousin kill himself when I was younger. I didn't know the cousin very well, but I just don't understand how anyone could take their lives. Sure I'll be honest, I have thought about it a few times, but I coule never do it because I am WAY to chicken and because I know people love me and I couldn't leave them behind. My mother has also told me she planned on killing herself at one point, and I had a roomate that tried to kill herself before too. Please, if anyone is thinking about it, know that even if I don't know you, I encourage you not to do it. No matter what you think, someone does love you. Please. Don't do it.
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