So of course today Becca couldn't go to daycare because she was "sick" yesterday. She was up and down from 5:30 last night to 8 this morning when my mom decided after getting up with her at 3am that it was time for me to get up. So we played for a bit and when I went to change her diaper she THREW A FIT!!! She has a little diaper rash so I have been putting desitin on it. Now she hasn't had a rash for me in a long time, so I haven't had to put anything on her, except for wiping her. But today, I went to put the Desitin on, and she FREAKED. She acted like someone has been touching her inappropriately. Now, the only person she's been alone with other than me and the daycare workers is my mom. While I don't believe she would do this, she was molested when she was a young girl. But Becca doesn't show any signs of abuse down there so I really don't know. I just feel bad for her. She didn't even hardly east anything today. She had an airhead and a couple of noodles from dinner, and a few chips. Seriously... I don't know if she's going to have an issue as daycare tomorrow. I have to go to work, and I can't exactly take her WITH me, although, that'd be pretty cool.
The guy I was talking to has been really wanting to get with me and hang out, but I really don't know if I want to do that. We end up making bad decisions when we're together. Not sex, but things that can lead up to it. He is the guy that is a really really good christian and doesn't believe in sex before marriage. And I do NOT want to corrupt that. But he doesn't seem to get that. Also, he doesn't see himself getting married, and at this point in my life I feel like if I am dating someone it should be someone that I could potientially marry. I mean I can see myself with him, but he doesn't want to accept responsibilty for another person, or for having kids, and I KNOW I want more kids.
These last few weeks have been a real eye opener for me on a lot of things, and as my birthday draws near (36 days) I feel like at almost 24, I should be in a much better situation in my life than I am right now. I live in my parents house, I'm on my exboyfriends insurance, and I have a job but it doens't pay for much. I feel like a horrible mom though I am doing the best I can do for my daughter. I love her with all of my heart, and even through the bad stages, the good stages: cuddling up on my lap to read a book, running to me when I come to get her from daycare, hugging me and kissing me out of nowhere... it makes up for the bad. And the bad....it's really bad. I am trying reakky hard to break the binkie habit again, and get her to start talking more. She knows so much, but she just refuses to say it, and the reason I worry about it is because I am SUCH a talker. And the kids in her class talk so much more than her. I know I know... all kids develop at their own rate. But that doesn't stop us mom's from worrying right? Sigh.
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