Bad Mommy :)

I've been a bad blogger in the last month. I keep promising myself I'm going to start keeping up on it, but seriously... too much to do!!! I've been staying up with my homework at school, and of course playing with Becca as much as possible!!!!! She's talking more every day, and she rolls her eyes now. Such attitude. Reminds me of that Brad Paisley song (of course his is about father son) but it says "It's safe to say that I'm gonna get my payback if he's anything like me." And with her...that is the truth.. :)

Onto other things: I AM GETTING MARRIED IN 85 days!!! Holy cow!! Seriously freaking out right now!! Yep, that's right in 85 days I will be Mrs. Patricia Heard <3>

This weeks news... I lost my keys so I have to have new ones made. Because I am an idiot. lol. I dont know what happened. But I guess it's ok. At least they can make me a new one. Oh, and I cut my hair again. :)

I dont think there's anything else interesting going on, Becca's birthday is in less than a month, and I'm sad that she's growing up so fast. Guess it's time to have another ;)

Crazy Happenings...

I founf out Becca's sister Cryslynn is allergic to our cat. So we moved all of the cat stuff to Meg and I's bedroom. It is working out okay for now.

Becca is doing MORE growing up!!! It won't stop!! It just amazes me the new things she learns every day. Today she wanted me to "Help please" and then told me "thank you" when I helped her. She demands my attention constantly! The only thing that gets to me is when I know she knows her words, and then DOESN'T USE THEM!!! But she'll learn.

A small vent I have now: I love my boyfriend, but I don't think he understands how DRAINING kids are! He texts me ALL DAY and when I don't answer within like 10 minutes unless I tell him I am in class he seems to freak out. Not to mention the JEALOUSY!! I am friends with a lot of my exes, not to mention a lot of guys in general. They are exes for a reason and he doesn't get that sometimes. But I still know he's THE ONE. They say when you meet the one you just know. And it was just that very first moment when my heart stopped... I just knew.

And now, update on school: still good. Stressing me out, but good. AND I have a job interview friday!!!

Keri told me to update my blog...

so here's a new post. School is going FANTASTICALLY!! I'm sure that's spelled wrong but at the moment I'm exhausted so I don't care. I love my classes! My first class is mostly reading but out of class activities we do for homework are sorta fun. My cirriculum in the classroom class is awesome, we have fun in there ALL day EVERY day. Well Tuesday/Thursday for an hour LOL. My Health class seems like it's going to be fun, and math...well it's math. I hate Math XL, but I've made new friends already everywhere, so it all balances out.


I also have a WONDERFUL new guy in my life....Alan....he's the second best thing that has happened to me, besides being a mom, because that is ALWAYS first. He makes me feel happy and wanted and special, and that's all I've ever needed. He's proud of me for getting my degree and thinks I'm a great mom, and can't wait to have a family. I just know it's right... I never thought I'd say that in my life, but it's true what they say...when you know...you just know.

Other news, I had a sensitive surgery that went well, no details needed if you don't already know about it. But now I'm just waiting to go back in October and make sure everything is ok.

Last but not least.... BECCA IS TURNING 2 NEXT MONTH!!!! I can't believe it. She's so grown up already, it makes me SO sad. She loves to read and draw and play music and dance, she's just a mover and shaker. I can't wait to watch her grow more. And that's the news for now folks.... :)

So. Much. Homework.

But I'm so happy about it. It's been a medium week. good things have happened and bad things have happened. I wish more good things would happen, but I don't see that happening any time soon. I HOPEEEEE to get my van back tomorrow. I am scared though that something will happen and it will break again. I NEED MY VAN!! Also, mini rant: Not that this has to be done, but I hate it when Brett/Amy promises me a certain amount of child support and I am expecting that amount and then they tell me they only sent one weeks worth. Seriously??????? GREAT!! Now I can't do ANYTHING. AND I have to ask you for money for diapers and crap. I can't wait to get my refund from school. That 5000 would do me some good!!

On to other news, Becca turns TWO in TWO months. She's growing up WAY too fast. I can;t believe how much her speech has improved since ridding her of the binkie. I have this wonderful love now that makes me feel good about myself (which I CAN do on my own, it's just nice to have someone telling you how beautiful you are daily) and I am feeling like a star you can't stop my shine I'm loving cloud 9 my heads in the sky....

Now, off to bed, 8am MATH class tomorrow (YUCK!!!!) Other things I hope to accomplish tomorrow are:

HOMEWORK

GET VAN

HANG OUT WITH ADAM

CLEAN THE HOUSE....AGAIN.

FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET MY DANG DINING ROOM TABLE HERE.

I have books!!

Today I went and got my books for school!!!!!!! I can't wait to start!!! Also, busy busy week ahead. I need to get everything else I need (bookbag and etc) plus send in stuff to the social services office, and make an appointment for child car voucher renewal, and rearrange furniture. All while going though all this crap. I just wish it was over.

I feel.... lost sometimes. Like I know I am doing as much as I can right and doing it for Becca, but people think I'm so selfish, like I'm doing it for myself and then her. I moved to Evansville for US, and so she could be closer to her dad. I took away a year of her time with him because I thought it was best for her, and I was wrong. But it keeps getting thrown in my face by family and friends.... everyone but him. HE understands why I did it, why can't everyone else???!!! I am trying my best to provide what's best for her, make decisions that are right for her... and it just kills me when people don't see that. I love my little girl, and I wouldn't do anything EVER to intentionally put her in danger or not think a decision through.

Side note...it is FREEZEING in this house. FREEZING. And we got new neighbors, and they seem snobby. College girls. it's a wonderful thing. I'm sure my other neighbor is thrilled since she specifically asked for non college kids. I need my milkshake. That's all for now...

Sad

I wish there was some way to make it stop. I ache and hurt and I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I should be feeling great, things are starting to look up and get better. I'm going back to school, Becca's strong and healthy. But I just hurt. Most of my blog readers know why. But for those that don't I just can't post about it because there are some people that I really don't want to know. (Side Note: MEGHAN STOP PROCRASTINATING ON YOUR HOMEWORK!! LOL)

This week I have a lot of house cleaning to do. That will keep me occupied. That is all for now. Sorry for being so short...

Look what Becca does now...